Days Away

Friends, it’s been a long week. Parent Night was Wednesday and I never caught up; I swear I don’t know how people work a full day and then do anything else with their time but go home and rest. I’ve never been good at it and have always felt I need a full evening to recover from having to get out of the house in the morning. But I didn’t get much of that and don’t stand to get more in the future, as I right now I’m trying to run all my errands during the week, after work, so my weekends are free for my husband and his father. I’m not complaining (OK maybe I am a little, which is shameful) but it’s got me off my game for real. My routine is flustered and I am ruffled (which is nothing compared to what Doug is dealing with, so I’ll shut up now). But, I still took pictures!

day 26_final

I believe I’m up to Day 30 now, so I’ve almost made it one month into the project. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it a month, so I’m already terribly impressed with myself. And I only cheated once!

day 27_Snapseed
Simon is baffled by the whole thing, though – she’s taking my picture AGAIN?!

I don’t want to go on too much about this, but work is throwing me for a loop. Again. If you’ve been following me for awhile and are currently thinking, this seems to be a trend for her, yeah, you’re right. I felt lost for the two years I spent as a counselor, and now here I am in a whole new position and…feeling lost again. I’m not even going to get into why because enough is enough with all that, I reckon. If I’m lost, so be it. I moved into this position for certain reasons, and I have to appreciate those aspects of it and suck the rest up. I am coming to the realization that when it comes to work, I lack a lot more confidence in myself than I ever realized. I’ve viewed it as many other things – lack of experience at this or that, lame co-workers, bad job choices – but the truth is, I doubt myself too much and tend to focus on the things I do wrong at the expense of acknowledging anything I might do right. And at 45 years of age well, it may always be that way. It doesn’t mean I can’t still find some enjoyment in what I do and deal with it. And hopefully, accepting it for what it is instead of making more excuses is a step towards getting it under control. Moving on.

day 29_Snapseed
This is baby ketchup a co-worker says she stole from a Vegas hotel, where apparently everything is tiny? Probably a better story than it is a photo, but whatever.

day 30_final

By the way, all the photos I’ve shared above are 365 photos. The next two aren’t – they’re very old photos (about two years to be exact) that I never processed and decided to work on today for no real reason other than having nothing new to edit.

202_Snapseed

This is such an old set; it’s probably one of the first times I ever got arty and creative with my jumping shots, and I still think it’s one of my best. I can’t edit it as precisely as I would like because when I took these I didn’t have my camera settings right to edit them in Photo Ninja, but I managed to do some good work on it in Photoshop. Here’s one more:

077_Snapseed

At least we have Monday off so I am hopefully going to have time this weekend to do a full shoot. I hope I can work up the energy because I’m still zonked and a little stressed, but I’m not going to focus on that! I have to remember that in all things, my best is all I can do, and if it isn’t good enough, then at least I know I’m trying. In photography as well as the job. Have a happy Saturday,everyone!

16 thoughts on “Days Away

  1. Well, at least you are past the first two weeks — school starts too early these days, imho. You barely got any time off to rejuvenate. I think misgivings are the sign of intelligence. Most people are sound asleep and I find the most confident extroverts are often the most unconscious of all. Questioning ourselves is the key to growth as far as I am concerned. Also, slow and steady wins the race. I would prefer to be the tortoise than the hare. Personally, I think your current position is likely to equip you for something bigger in the future, but only you will know when you see it. I am sorry about Doug’s dad. I have a similar situation brewing with my Aunt Kate — subject for a future post. Bef I forget to mention it, those two jumping shots are extraordinary. Love that period of your photography work.

    • Yeah I’d like to get back to that, but at this point I feel bored doing the SAME JUMPS. But maybe it doesn’t matter if they’re the same.

      I started to talk more about my job here but it was too much detail; I will email my response instead!

  2. Maybe you have that lost feeling because of the overuse of your energy at work. You need to be independently wealthy and just pursue your artistic activities. OK, maybe I’m projecting. Sometimes it just sucks that we have to work. I need to pick your brain about something. Gonna try to find your email again.

    • Yeah, you pretty much read my mind with this comment…my husband and I had a long talk about this today. It’s bizarre to compare myself now to who I was the last time I was teaching, when I was still in my thirties and such a go-getter. I knew I’d reach “maintenance stage” where you just want to show up, do your job and go home – but I didn’t think I’d reach it this soon! But the sooner I can quit working, I tell ya, the better. I’m kind of embarrassed of that attitude but if I’m being honest it’s the truth.

  3. The start of any project, photos, work, etc. Are always difficult. With a little time comes the feeling of accomplishment and the ability to see more positive than negative. Don’t be to quick to judge yourself.
    Sound like a fortune cookie?

  4. Hi Marey, your trepidation and insecurity is common when taking on a new job. You want to do well and be productive and help the students. Just take it easy, do the best you can and a month or two from now you’ll be wondering what you were worried about. There is a lot of frustration involved in learning a new profession or position but I have confidence in you just from the little I know about you. I’ve had a number of different professions, jobs and ventures and entered each with some worry but also looked at each as a challenge and learning experience. You have the desire to do well and the intelligence to do it. So get on with it and stop worrying!

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