There is a statement I hear over and over again when contacted by women who, for whatever reason, want or need to wear wigs and are just getting started. And that statement is some variation of this: “Everyone else looks great in their wigs, but they all look bad on me.” Perhaps they use different adjectives, but the sentiment is the same, and the sentiment is a destructive one.
Any time you find yourself thinking, about wigs or anything else that’s going on in your life, “Everyone else can do ___________, but I can’t,” then, I hate to say it this bluntly, but you are giving in to a victim mentality. And a victim mentality is a sure-fire way to stay stuck in whatever mess you’re currently in.
You may get pissed at me for saying this, because it sounds like a variation of the “get over it” message you’ve probably been subjected to enough already throughout your ordeal. And it is true that you actually have been a victim of hair loss, and it has quite possibly depressed you, tormented you, done a serious number on your self-esteem, and a dozen other things. That’s the reality of your situation. But being a victim of unfortunate circumstances and understanding what those circumstances are is not the same thing as adopting a victim mentality, wherein you allow self-talk to drag you even further down into the dumps than your very real circumstances already have.
I know it sounds like B.S., but self-talk matters. And telling yourself that everyone else in the world gets to look good in a wig but you is succumbing to victimhood (embedded within that victimhood is a huge helping of self-hatred too, by the way). The problem becomes, not your hair loss, but you. You are the thing that is flawed, not your stupid hair which has decided to quit doing the one damn job hair has to do in this world, which is sit on top of your head and cover your scalp and not vacate the premises.
So let’s get one thing straight: YOU are not the problem. Your hair loss is. And you are not the reason you’re having a hard time finding a wig you like – it’s the hair loss again. You are used to your real hair, of course, because who isn’t? And you are having a hard time accepting the look of a wig on your head. That’s understandable. But you must STOP telling yourself that everyone in the world can wear wigs but you – unless your head is shaped like a triangle or your eyes are on the top of your head and when you put on a wig they disappear and you can’t see, then of course you can wear a wig and look OK. Everyone else who needs to do so, as well as many who don’t, can pull it off, and so can you.
Now. Having said all that, it is quite possible that you have not found a wig you LIKE on your own head yet. Fine. That does take time. I’ve said it here before and I’ll say it again: if you buy one of the “bestseller” wigs from any website that has such a list, you can absolutely put it on and leave the house in it – even if you don’t like the way it looks. A wig doesn’t become a bestseller without getting purchased and re-purchased by tons of women who wear wigs, so chances are any of them is perfectly acceptable and fairly undetectable – why else would so many people buy it repeatedly? Remember that you have two goals: get something to put on your head so you can get out of the house and get on with your life, and find a wig you really love. The former is an immediate, short-term goal, and the latter is long-term and will take time to accomplish. If you make yourself sit at home and hide out while you search for your own personal One True Wig you are going to miss out on a lot of life, so get that short-term goal met and find something to stick on your head while you continue searching.
Not liking the many, many wigs you try out while you both get used to seeing yourself in them and decide what style and type of wig you like is the reality of needing to wear wigs. The victim mentality approach is telling yourself, every time you try on a wig you don’t like, that everyone else could wear that wig and look fine except for YOU. Stop blaming yourself for the difficulty you’re having dealing with the realities of hair loss. It’s a pain in the butt and it sucks, but it is not your fault, and you are not the problem. Biology is. Stop being mean to yourself.
You’re probably thinking this is all pretty easy for me to say, with my nice full head of healthy hair underneath my wigs. And you’re right. It is easy for me to say – THAT’S WHY I AM THE ONE SAYING IT. Who else is going to do so? Someone who’s beating herself up as much as you are? In fact, if you went to that person with your troubles, you’d probably end up fighting over who is more cursed – so allow me to step in and attempt to put an end to all that. If I could, I’d stick a Noriko Sky on both of you and ship you off to the mall so you can buy some nice shoes or nail polish instead of yet another wig that you’re going to use to beat yourself up with when you look at yourself in the mirror (there’s probably some sort of hair shirt analogy I could make here, but I’m running out steam, and you get the idea anyway). The bottom line is: You are not the problem, and you can do, and wear, anything you want and/or need to so you can take care of all your other life-business. Now go out and do it!