Reason for filming: A true crime enthusiast has booked a stay at a supposedly haunted mansion and wants to document it for her followers

Director/Writer: Steven Cognetti

What’s the horror: Supernatural, and also bad 80s fashions

Does the dog die? No animal cruelty. One character shrieks like an insane monkey, though.

Gore factor: A few quick shots of murdered people and icky undead people, but not much else

Re-watch scale: Pretty heavy rotation; this one stays fun for me even after multiple viewings

SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS! Don’t scroll if you don’t want to know.

When I wrote my original review of Hell House, LLC, I stated that the two sequels to that film were not to my liking and that I wouldn’t be reviewing them. But lo and behold, the creators came out with another sequel last year, and it’s quite good. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense and attempts to tie it to the original film weigh it down at times, but the franchise has found a new set piece that is pretty great, and they filled it with their standard slow-burn scares and some mostly likable characters.

I say mostly because unfortunately, the lead character, Margot, is pretty annoying. I think the actress is quite good, but unfortunately, she’s given the thankless found footage role of “person who refuses to leave, even as the events around her become more threatening and dangerous.” And it’s not just that – her over-the-top glee and constant asides to the camera feel more performative than genuine, and she has no respect for the boundaries of people around her. Realistically, it’s her girlfriend Rebecca who should get priority over what they do with their time since she’s the one who has an actual, paying job, but for some reason, she continues to indulge Margot in her investigations, even at the expense of her own employment. It appears Margot just runs around conducting investigations for a true crime blog and doesn’t do much else.

We get some early hints that there’s a reason Margot is so excited to go to this location, but the reveal of said reason is anticlimactic, and it seems more likely that Margot is using that event from her past to manipulate everyone into sticking it out. More on that later.

But first, we need to hear from our new talking heads, Bradley Moynahan and Alicia Cavalini, as we are once again using the mockumentary approach. I mean, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, and while these talking heads lack the awesomeness of the handlebar mustache guy from the original, they fulfill their duties fine. Alicia is a true crime writer while Bradley is the co-founder of Margot’s true crime website, Net Sleuths. We cut between these two interviews to explain the backstory of the Carmicheal Manor, as the house is known. It’s big, it’s very remote, and one October morning police came to the house to find the mother and daughter slaughtered horrifically in their beds, while the father and son have disappeared and been missing for 30 years. Alice tells us the early suspicion is on the father because there is only one set of footprints in the snow leaving the house. Maybe that’s because Jesus was carrying him at that point? No one suspects Patrick because he’d broken an arm in a car accident and wouldn’t have been able to kill as easily as Dad.

It’s at this point that the movie shows us a hilarious picture of Patrick, lying down on a twin bed with his arm in a sling and looking forlornly out the window, and every time I see it I want to ask: who the hell took this picture? Did they try several times to get him to say cheese and he refused, so they took this shot as revenge or something? Because it is not a photo anyone would take much less print out, but whatever. The point is Patrick had a broken arm and isn’t considered a suspect in the murders as a result. I wish I could screencap this for you, but Shudder won’t let me and I couldn’t find one through a Google search, but AI thinks it looked something like this, which it most certainly did not:

We cut to some previews of the scary shit that’s about to happen, hear a lot of screams and a garbled 911 call, fade to black, and here we go. Cut to Rebecca driving and complaining about being hungry. They stop and eat somewhere while asking the cashier what he knows about Carmicheal Manor. He appears surprised that they are going to be staying there for five days. Margo is super-proud of this; clearly, she feels like she’s pulled off a major coup by wrangling this arrangement out of the property manager. They drive around lost for a while to establish just how REMOTE this place is and how great its internet is despite being so REMOTE, something the property manager will blow out of the water a few minutes later when he mentions being located only fifteen minutes away, but I digress. When the find the house, Rebecca inexplicably asks Margot: “What, do we just knock?” No, Rebecca, climb up onto the roof and shimmy down through the chimney. Don’t forget to bring gifts!

Turns out they don’t need to knock because the front door is wide open. Rebecca’s filming now because Margot wants to do the talking, and I guess she can’t do both at the same time. I kinda wish she could though, because she keeps turning around and giving Rebecca this annoying, muggy smirk while the estate manager talks, and I have no idea why she keeps doing this. I think she just can’t stand not looking at the camera for more than fifteen seconds. Rebecca zooms in on a family portrait of the Carmichaels, and I must admit they got the 80’s look down right. Much better than movies usually do, in fact. Not everyone wore neon bike shorts and fingerless gloves, people. Most of us had frizzy hair and wore makeup that made us look a good 15 years older, and the most unflattering dresses and pants AI could dream up. Seriously, we all dressed like bad Saturday Night Live characters. Moving on.

The estate manager garbles out that the estate owners both do and do not let people stay there in the same breath. OK, dude. He mentions that most people who do stay there never make it more than a few days, but he’s already said the owners don’t want anyone staying for more than a few days. Who knows. They walk around and look at the rooms. At one point Rebecca, goddess bless her, asks what a button does that’s on the wall, even though it’s clear it’s attached to a speaker that someone might use to communicate with other parts of the house. Did Rebecca hit her head on the way over? Anyway, she zooms in on the button so we all know that it’s going to mysteriously go off later.

They walk into the youngest daughter’s room, Catherine, and again I say this movie gets the 80s right. So much wallpaper. And curtains. And a full-sized bed that I hope is not the exact one she was slaughtered in, even if it is in the exact same place. We see a photo of Catherine – barrettes and acid-washed denim shortalls. Heh. Then the dude, whose name is Donald, exposits that Catherine wanted to be a moviemaker and was always filming around the house. That will be convenient later.

They visit the master bedroom, and Margot asks Donald if he thinks the father was the murderer. She asks this as if it’s an engaging and totally appropriate thing to ask, while Don’s non-response indicates otherwise. The tour continues, with Donnie pointing out a locked room he doesn’t have a key for. That might be important later. Then he takes them into Patrick’s room, where he ruminates on how sad it is that Patrick’s dead body was never found. If this is the tour Donald gives everyone who comes to the house for a visit, I can understand why no one stays very long. Maybe you could just point out the amenities and leave the bloody murders to the internet, Don? It might help. Although it’s so REMOTE maybe the murders are the only reason anyone visits.

Damn, this movie is getting into it fast. Rebecca, still filming, is marching up the stairs looking for Margo. She finds her standing in a hallway staring into the formerly I-don’t-have-a-key-for-it locked storage room. The door is now open. It’s at this point I notice that Margot is tall, y’all. The room she’s staring into is full of what looks like carnival gear. Signs, toys, and clowns. So many clowns. Including two life-sized clown statues that are not the evil clown from the original, but are still horrifying (albeit not as horrifying as the original because nothing is as horrifying as that one). One of the two looks so incredibly real I fully expected it to turn its head or blink and give chase, but before it can do that a voice calls out from below. It’s Margot’s brother, Chase, who is there to help with filming.

Rebecca is not happy about this, saying that Chase is “a liability,” but he never does anything to indicate that throughout the film, so whatever. Kind of like with Margot’s backstory, he has one but it’s not particularly compelling. Margot, however, is thrilled to see him. I get the feeling they haven’t seen each other in a while, and Margo immediately begins peppering him with questions. He mentions that he is seeing someone, and Margot practically explodes. I have to admit she’s kind of cute here; for once her inquisitiveness is endearing and not annoying. “Who is she? Is she beautiful? Is she smart? Are you getting married tomorrow? What’s her name?” Maybe it’s the woman Chase hooked up with in that one Lifetime Christmas movie I saw him in? Moving on.

The talking heads cut in to share Margot’s back story. When she was 10 she and Chase were taken to a County Fair, and some strange man tried to lure her into the woods. She ran away but was not able to identify the man to her parents or the police. Later, several other girls went missing from the fair, assumedly taken by the same man. So the thinking now is that Margot was obsessed with solving crimes to make up for her failure to prevent the strange man from hurting others. I guess as a backstory it’s okay, but it’s nothing special for a horror movie.

Chase says he’s not much of a sloth instead of sleuth, and I mean, really? He’s a grown man and he’s unfamiliar with that word? Maybe Rebecca is right about him. We do get his backstory, which is that recently he went missing for two days and no one knew where he was. Margo asked him to come help her with the investigation to help him, somehow, I guess by keeping an eye on him or giving him something to do. Again, I can go with this, but it’s pretty weak. He’s clearly a grown man; why would anyone be concerned if he checked out for two days? Moving on.

The next morning Rebecca films herself changing the sheets on the bed to give us our first scare. She narrates as she makes the bed about how Margot told her to film everything, and then she swings the camera around to face her so she can get herself and the freshly made bed in the shot. Only now Catherine is on the bed, looking quite murdered indeed. It’s a fun, gory shock; just the sort that this franchise does so well. Some creepy strings slip in, which isn’t supposed to happen in found footage, but that’s not something that’s ever bothered me. Slowly Catherine’s head turns to look at Rebecca, which must be a challenge with only one eye.

Off they go to an antique store that is supposed to have a lot of items from the Abaddon Hotel. Maybe the original clown will be there? It’s not, but an old grandfather clock is. Rebecca is familiar with this make of clock, and she knows there’s a secret storage compartment on the side of it. Why is Rebecca better at this than Margot? Anyway, she gets the compartment open and pulls out an old necklace, a can of old film, and some letters. Margot immediately sticks it all in her purse while Rebecca objects – I’m not sure which side I’m on here. The clock belongs to the store, but they have no idea anything’s there, soooo. Yeah, I’d probably swipe that stuff too.

Meanwhile, Chase is at home mugging for the camera, pretending to be a ghost and a true crime detective to mess with his sister. He’s actually funny here, so it works. Of course, he hears a noise and goes to investigate. He walks into the hall and sees a shadow crossing the storage room, but when he enters nothing has changed. And of course, the power is out, so it’s a bit dark even though it’s the middle of the day. We clearly hear a giggle, and Chase swings the camera around. Something is extending out from a doorway at the end of the hall. I swear the first time I watched this I thought it was a nose until it slowly pulled itself back finger by finger and I realized it was a hand. Then a girl in a mask peeps around the corner and stands there for a minute before slowly backing away. Chase, thank God, does not do that thing where he walks ever so slowly up to the doorway, but charges at it full speed instead. Points for Chase. As expected, there’s no one there, and then we hear Margot and Rebecca arrive.

Cognetti really knows how to pace a story. His stories are slow burns with nothing major in the way of scares, but there’s no denying how well he builds tension. The little music stings also help. And once again he has a character do the logical thing and show Rebecca and Margot what he filmed. Rebecca is freaked. Cut to the talking heads who tell us how what they found inside the clock was a “game changer” and that it’s wild it was sitting inside this old clock throughout the other three movies and no one ever found it. Everyone expected it to be footage of the hotel, but it’s footage shot by Catherine at Carmichael Manor. She wanted to be a filmmaker, remember *wink*?

As in all found footage movies that involve a character who wants to be a filmmaker, Catherine does not film anything that an audience would want to see, which is convenient since all we want to see is evidence of what happened at the house. But still, points off for Catherine, as it does not appear her death is any big loss to the filmmaking industry. We see what is clearly Catherine walking down the stairs, calling for Margaret and Patrick, her brother and sister. Thanks, movie, for naming one character Margo and another one Margaret. Points off, Cognetti. Anyway, we see the exact same gag the ghost pulled on Chase: a girl in a mask peeking around the corner. Catherine yelps and turns around and Patrick is there, laughing. Patrick is creepy, y’all. Margaret is wearing a godawful Laura Ashley dress that I’m pretty sure I owned back in the day. She announces that she’s off to rehearsal for Faust, which she is performing in soon. This is the only belief I am not willing to suspend here – the idea that two acting companies would put on the same dog of a play in thirty years is completely unrealistic, but whatever. We all know she’s never gonna make it to that stage as a drunk driver is about to kill her.

It’s nighttime and the gang is going over the items they swiped from the antique store. Meanwhile, the antique store in town goes broke and has to close, but hey, at least they’re still alive! I cannot tell a lie here; some of the clues these people dig up are really cringe-y. Anyway, they read some letters about death and bleeding from the eyes, and then the lights go out. They try to find the fusebox but the closet it’s in is locked. The power comes back on, which is good, but now there’s a red ball in the middle of the floor. Or maybe it’s a clown nose? That would make more sense given the context. Chase is concerned. He’s so concerned he asks to speak with Rebecca the next morning, but not before cringing me out again by mentioning how the sheets smell like an old sweater. This is not a callback to the first movie that anyone needed, but there it is. Anyway. He quite nobly tells Rebecca that if she gets scared and wants to leave, he will support her. Heh.

Rebecca has a Zoom call with a really bad actress. She’s showing her pictures of houses they can buy and flip, I guess, so this must be her boss. I’ll skip my rant about house flippers. After showing her a few slides, pictures of Carmichael Manor start showing up. The pictures start on the first floor and progress up the stairs until they’re right outside Rebecca’s room. In fact, we can see Rebecca in the photo, her back to us. The boss is understandably confused. And somewhat impatient, as Rebecca has stopped responding to her repeated questions about what’s going on. Rebecca keeps staring at the screen and clicking. Clicik! And there’s someone in the photo standing next to her. Click! Whoever is standing next to her has turned to face her. Click! And now we’re seeing Rebecca’s face, close up to the screen, with a very dead Catherine screaming into her ear. Heh. It’s a good one.

Rebecca’s computer shuts down without any explanation given to bad-actress-boss, and she’s concerned that she’s just lost her job. She’s way more concerned about the freaky dead girl getting up in her face, though, because she’s packing to leave as she rants about how she’s getting tired of being the one who supports Margot through all these investigations but can’t get Margot to support her need to get the fuck out of this house ASAP. Margo basically just wants to see if the footage of this event was recorded on Rebecca’s computer so she can see it, so to say she’s not listening to Rebecca at all is an understatement. But, of course, Rebecca capitulates for some reason and agrees to stay another night. We do get a gorgeous sunset shot of Rebecca sitting on the front porch talking to Chase, and it doesn’t help infuse the setting with dread but it is lovely. I wonder if this place still takes reservations?

Cut to Margot finding a Polaroid photo in the pile of stuff she stole from the antique clock; it’s the same two clown outfits that are on the mannequins upstairs, except that it’s three mannequins upstairs according to Rebecca, which of course it can’t be, so up the stairs they all go to see who’s right. Except they don’t, because Margot runs right over her comments with her excitement about finding a connection between the mansion and the Abbadon. But hey, kudos to the movie for using a Polaroid photo within the actual time period that they were popular.

Margot’s enthusiasm is interrupted when that intercom Rebecca showed us earlier goes off, because of course it does. There are certain sounds that will forever freak me out, and loud doorbells and door knocks are high up on that list. OK, so this one is an intercom buzzer but the effect is the same. Chase checks the call center in the kitchen and reports back that the call is coming from Patrick’s room because of course it is. (Insert your “the call is coming from inside the house” joke here.) Margot has the stones to head right up to the room, so at least she’s willing to take the risks and tell Rebecca to stay behind, I guess. She and Chase creep into Patrick’s room and wouldn’t you know it, one of the two (or three) mannequins is in the middle of the room. These things look so damn real, y’all. Every time they do that approach-it-slowly-and-thonk-it-on-the-head-to-prove-it’s-fake thing I expect it to move even though I know it won’t. It’s wildly unsettling.

Meanwhile, downstairs Rebecca hears a creaky door opening in the foyer. Man, Cognetti is so good with the eerie sounds. I mean, that has got to be one of the most trite scary sounds in the world but it really works. Also effective is Rebecca’s fear here. Girl is freaking out. A red ball rolls out of the closet and yeah, it’s a ball not a nose, which I feel is a missed opportunity. Imagine a red clown nose bouncing down the stairs and squeaking with every step. Actually no, don’t imagine that because it’s hilarious and not scary at all. Let’s stick with the ball. Rebecca slinks her way into the closet and sure enough, there’s a damn clown in there now too. Rebecca and Chase are fucking sick of these clowns, y’all, and they are ready to bail. However, we cut to a scene taking place sometime later when Chase and Margot are hanging out in his room talking about what happened to him that time he ‘disappeared’ for two days as a fully grown man who absolutely can go off the grid for two days without being considered missing, but whatever. So I guess they’re not leaving.

Chase’s backstory is also weak, but here it is: he saw a girl. Where? When? Who knows. He just…saw a girl once. Okay. A little girl who was lost. So Chase wanted to help her, but she wasn’t real. She kept disappearing and reappearing all day long at whatever place Chase was when this happened. Or is he talking about something that happened to him at that same fair Margot was referencing earlier? I have no clue. Margot does say it’s OK that he saw a disappearing girl because that proves he needs to stay on his medication, so that at least partially explains why she was so freaked out when he disappeared; she assumed he was off of his meds and having a breakdown. But he insists he was taking his meds at the time, and the last thing the disappearing girl said to him was “Go with Margot,” and then Margot called him the next day about coming with her to Carmichael Manor. So okay, this is a recent thing and not something from far in the past. He says he didn’t put the two together until just that moment, which is more points off for Chase, because when a disappearing girl tells you to go with someone who then calls you out of the blue within 24 hours you should be able to make that connection immediately. Anyway, this story ends with Chase asking Margot if they can leave and she says yes, they will leave…tomorrow. Wrong damn answer, Margot. Chase does not stand up and smack any sense into her though, so another night it is.

Somehow they make it through the night, but the next morning Chase’s stuff is just plopped in front of Margot’s door with no explanation. They find his phone and his medication in his room, but no Chase. Apparently, he texted Margot the night before asking “Was that you?” but Margot didn’t respond because Rebecca was sleeping. SERIOUSLY, Margot? How loud do you text, exactly? Your already troubled brother texts you in the middle of the night while staying in a clearly haunted house and you don’t respond? What is wrong with this woman? All the points off, Margot. All the points.

One of the talking heads, Bradley, cuts in with some candids of Chase while telling us that he’s seen Chase’s last video. Remember the talking heads? Because I’d forgotten all about them. Cut to – no surprise here – Chase’s last video. It’s nice of Bradley to share it. Chase is drinking in his room and it appears to be some time after Margot left since he’s at least half-drunk now. I’m not sure he should be drinking with his medication, but given the circumstances, I can’t judge. There’s a knock at the door, and yep – I still hate that sound.

Chase opens the door and there’s no one there. He texts Margot, and we all know how that goes down. Good job, Margot. Cut to Chase in bed, whispering into the camera that someone is still knocking on his door but no one is ever there. They knock again. Still no one there. Inexplicably, Chase tells Margot via the camera that they are leaving in the morning no matter what, instead of packing his shit and leaving immediately. Why? He didn’t ride with Margot and Rebecca; he showed up later on his own, so he must have his own car here. Just leave, dude! He does not. Cut to him waking up in the dark and whispering that his door just opened on its own. Chase looks kinda hot when he’s lying in bed, not gonna lie. I’d Lifetime movie him, is what I’m saying. Anyway, he pulls a Paul from the first movie and turns on the light only to immediately freak out at what he sees – yep, it’s the OG black and silver clown from the original. OGC is facing the wall, but there’s no denying it’s him. The camera cuts away, and when it cuts back – you guessed it – OGC is facing him. He’s still scary as fuck, although I must admit he mixes polka dots and stripes well, which is a tough look to pull off. Points, OGC, for clowning in style.

I love Chase’s attempts to bargain OGC down from definitely killing him to just forcing him to leave the house; it’s not something we’ve seen anyone try before, but since it doesn’t work I guess we know why. “I’m just gonna leave now, my bad” doesn’t translate to clown, apparently, because as Chase tries to slip away OGC pulls a new move and starts following him. Damn, he walks now? Y’all really are screwed. Chase offers all the apologies, but nothing’s gonna slow that clown down now, and with a yelp Chase’s camera cuts out. So long Chase, we barely knew ya.

Time for a change of pace as we’re now watching Catherine’s footage pre-murder. The first thing we see is Patrick looking forlornly out the window of his bedroom. I think we now know who took that insane picture of him we saw when our talking heads were expositing. Patrick rightly tells her to stop filming his misery, but not before Catherine discovers Margaret’s bloody dress sitting on his dresser. I hate to say this, I really do – but there’s something about Patrick and Margaret. Imagine the world’s worst Lifetime romance and you’ve got the jist. Something ain’t right between those two, or wasn’t right, rather. Patrick babbles about bringing her back, and Catherine gives him the necklace Margot finds in the old Abaddon clock. Then we cut to a shot of Patrick pacing around in the front yard. Damn, Catherine has no boundaries at all – leave the guy alone, girl. Then cut to Catherine in Patrick’s room, opening the same chest that Margo found in the storage room. We can clearly see the three clowns in a mirror while she digs through it. Then we cut to the cringiest scene ever – Catherine found a sheet of music in Patrick’s clown trunk, and yeah, it’s OG Paul’s old spooky ditty, but with lyrics this time. It’s another callback that feels unnecessary to me, and ridiculously silly, especially with lyrics such as:

“Something’s coming/Cold the nightfall/All things die/And never come back/Throw the ashes/Grasp your crosses/Pray to him/You’ll never come back/Life’s a circle/Full of darkness/Stay with him/And never come back”

Look, I’m not expecting lyrical genius or anything, but could they seriously not find another word to rhyme with “back”? My middle school students wrote better poetry than this mess. Moving on.

Oh look, Rebecca wants to leave, and Margot insists on staying. This is certainly a new dynamic I’ve not seen before aside from in every other scene. Margot has the disappearance of Chase in her favor now, though, and Rebecca can’t argue with staying around in the hopes he will show up. Once again I think Margot is being manipulative; sure, she loves her brother, but if there’s one thing she loves more than any human being in her life it’s freaky clowns, and so they stay. I get that Margot has guilt over the deaths of those little girls she couldn’t help back in the day, but in her obsession with righting that wrong, she’s doing serious harm to the people who know and love her in the present moment. Get it together, Mags. Seriously.

Fortunately, we’re back to present-day footage. I say ‘fortunately,’ because I’m not a fan of most of the old footage shown in this movie. I get why it’s there, but it feels terribly forced and not all that interesting, considering we don’t know fuck-all about these characters aside from how they died, and they aren’t interesting enough to warrant learning more. Besides, I was a teen in the 80s and I know there’s no way Catherine could have been running around that house and hiding under beds with the size camcorders were back then. They were huge – and heavy. She might as well have been running around the house with another house on her shoulder.

It’s talking head time, as Brandon and Alicia fill us in on some of Andrew Tully’s backstory. I don’t care about any of it, so let’s cut to the chase (not to the Chase, of course, because he is no more). Tully met these two traveling carnies who ran a “Down a Clown” booth and the three of them moved to Rockland County to run the Abaddon Hotel and start a cult. They hired locals to work at the hotel and I guess draw them into the cult, and one of the locals they hired was Patrick. Got that? Moving on.

FINALLY, Rebecca convinces Margot that it’s time to leave, but now the car won’t start. My first thought was they should try Chase’s car, but apparently, he either walked there or teleported because there’s no other car in the driveway. Whatever movie. Rebecca loses it completely at this point, which prompts Margot to finally take the house’s threats seriously and insist they start walking rather than continuing to try and fix the car. For some reason, they do not take the road that they clearly drove on which led right to the house, but take off through the forest. Whatever movie. And isn’t Donald just fifteen minutes away? I mean that’s by car, yeah, but it at least indicates that help isn’t that far off. But no, off into the forest we go.

They pass by piles of old drums and the occasional rusty car, which isn’t unusual when one owns acres of land, because everyone’s crap has gotta go somewhere and where else is it gonna go. Maybe to Donald’s? He’s close after all. The piles of trash get weirder as they go, though; crosses with weird shit on them, an old hearse, an old RV, et cetera. Then something screams. Soon, in the distance, they see a hooded figure. Ah yes, the robed figures. We’ve seen them before. They start to run, and when the camera turns around, there are now three robed figures. They run faster. The eerie screams in the forest continue.

By the time they get back to the house, it’s almost dark. They hide out in Catherine’s bedroom and fight some more. Margot tries to apologize, but honestly, repairing your relationship at this point is unnecessary, Marge. Chase texts them. Margot texts back this time – good job Margot! – but it’s pretty obviously not Chase who is sending them messages. Margot hopes against hope that it really is him which is definitely the wrong move. The texts tell them that “Chase” is going to come to their room and soon there’s a knock at the door. Margot appears to be ready to open the door, very much against Rebecca’s wishes, but then the door bursts open on its own. Nothing is there, because of course, and Margot insists on walking out into the hall to see what’s up because honestly, at this point, why not. Man, Cognetti really knows how to work an old house; how many times have we seen the knocking on the door when no one is on the other side thing, but he still makes it work every time.

Chase texts again, telling them “They’re in your room now.” Rebecca finally drops the camera and takes off. Margot picks it up and chases after her. Rebecca charges down the stairs and out the front door. She’s decided to give the car another try, and as soon as she and Margot climb inside, we’re back to watching old footage of Catherine again, which is a pace-killer at first because we’re just watching stupid Patrick act like a freak some more, but then we hear a female giggle and dead Margaret appears in the hallway, and I have to admit it’s a pretty good scare. She’s wearing that Faust mask and her bloody dress, and the camera freezes on her standing in the hallway with her head tilted at a freaky angle. Then it’s talking head time as Alicia relays the events that led up to a mass suicide at the Abaddon. Then it’s back to Catherine, hiding out behind her bed and apparently filming herself, which led me to wonder where the parents have been throughout this whole thing. We know it’s the mother and Catherine who get murdered in their beds, while the father disappears as does Patrick, but in all the old footage it appears to just be Catherine in the house with Patrick. You’d think they would all huddle together while the madness happens, or that maybe Mom and Dad would be trying to protect her, but they are distinctly AWOL. I’m going to assume they’ve already been murdered and that Catherine has some weird sort of amnesia that has made her forget she has parents. Let’s move on.

Catherine sees a hooded figure run past the hallway and her resultant shrieking sounds exactly like an overexcited monkey. I don’t mean to judge the noises one makes as they’re being scared out of their wits, but I said what I said. Into the closet Catherine goes. Margaret’s voice whispers her name, and as Catherine opens the closet door we see Margaret’s dead body in the strip of light, which is effective as hell, and to make matters even more effective the Faust mask finally falls off and we see zombie Margaret’s face, looking a lot like the zombie girl who attacks Paul back in the original. She attacks Catherine. More monkey shrieks as the footage cuts out.

There’s not much left at this point but for Rebecca and Margot to try and start the car again and as the alarm blares see two hooded figures standing right in front of them. I’m not sure if a car alarm going off means a car is going to drive, but I’ll assume it does not because instead of running the fuck over them they run back into the house. There’s more forest shrieking – which does not sound like an agitated monkey by the way – and as they reach the house a bunch of red balls come bouncing out of a closet, which we barely see as they run up the stairs, and the movie is, well, balls out at this point. The tension Cognetti’s been skillfully building throughout the film has finally exploded, and when Margot hears Chase shouting for her in the hallway, she rushes out without thinking. At that moment Rebecca gets cell service, and we hear the 911 call we heard at the beginning of the film. Margot’s gone, and in one of Rebecca’s mad camera turns around the room Catherine pops into frame, looking good and murdered, and it’s time to bid Rebecca adieu, folks.

Now we’re down to Margot, because of course it isn’t Chase calling for her from his room. He’s there, all right, but his eyes have been gauged out and he is very much unalive, which Margot refers to as Chase “being hurt.” Way to downplay, Margot. She runs back to Rebecca’s room only to find the door locked because of course it is. Then Margot wheels around and sure enough, there’s the OG clown at the foot of the stairs. Well that’s unfortunate. Margot takes off to the other end of the hallway but now someone’s room – I’m guessing Patrick’s? – is glowing red, and OGC is hot on her heels at the other end of the hall. Margot hits a dead end – pun intended – and we see OGC walking towards her. At the last minute, Margot flips the camera around to look into it and say “It’s not over,” and then a big fat white clown hand covers her face and it’s, well, over.

Except it’s not, because Brandon has to cut back in and say some stuff about evil never dying, and then we see a photo of a little Margot standing in front of the Down-a-Clown stand, and as the camera pans over to show OGC standing in the booth the music gets super-dramatic, which means I guess that this is something we were not expected to have put together yet, except everyone has, and then there’s yet another cut, which shows Patrick lying face down somewhere, crying and saying he had no choice but to do what he did. Then we hear some muffled screaming that sounds like it’s probably the father, and Patrick yells at whoever it is to shut up and kills him, I think, because the screaming stops, and then Patrick walks into the frame wearing the OGC suit. He puts on the clown mask and walks off into a glowing red hallway, and I definitely did not put this part together so good job movie. Whiny wee Patrick is the black and silver horror clown? Now that’s a twist. And that folks, is IT.

All in all, I do like the way this installment lends some lore to what’s been established in the other films, which never was much, and even though some of it comes off as forced or illogical, it holds together for the most part. It certainly works better than either II or III managed to do, and the new setting provides a new world of scares for Cognetti and Co. to deliver, which is the real fun here. Clearly, there’s going to be another installment involving, quite unfortunately, the insipid and annoying Patrick, but as long as he stays dressed as OGC it should work. Here’s hoping.