Well Saturday was both the most awesome and the most disappointing grocery store trip ever.

First of all, I noticed as I pulled into the parking lot that it was exceptionally crowded. It was 1 PM on a Saturday, true, but I’ve been at this Kroger plenty of times during that part of the day and never seen quite as much traffic as I saw this time. Then I noticed this:


And I knew something was up.

The entrance to the store was all decked out in football regalia, which is not unusual for any day in Texas this time of year.

There’s a hint in that placard, if you can read it. My photos were particular crappy this time out.

Now, generally, this is how I approach all things football:


In fact, I know so little about my city’s own team that I actually thought this guy was one of our players, based on the simple fact that there was a lot of football stuff around, he was a rather big dude, and a few people in fan jerseys were talking to him – but I guess I was wrong.

Can you see what the little guy is holding? YEP.

Whatever was going on involved a pretty long line, which snaked around and inconveniently blocked the aisles of toiletries:

Notice that woman in the red shirt & khaki pants guarding the line? She’s one of many who ruined what could have been the most awesome grocery day ever.

In case you haven’t guessed yet, the team’s cheerleaders were at my grocery store today to sign copies of their calendar for fans. Cheerleaders! In tight sparkly silver shorts! And silver go-go boots! With super-long stick-straight hair extensions and awesome spray tans! SCORE! How could my attempts to take entertaining, super-cheesy grocery store photos get any better than this? I swear all these photos are so blurry because I was trembling with joy at the opportunities I briefly envisioned. That is until the FIRST Kroger employee eyed me suspiciously while I whipped out my cell phone. Hm, I thought, that’s unusual. Usually no one thinks twice about a woman on her phone in the grocery store.

Then of course I noticed all the guards and cops and the over-abundance of store employees gathered about, trying to prevent anyone from taking photos of the cheerleaders for free. Damn! Try as I might, and as stealthily as I tried to wander the aisles, looking for some crack or crevice in their makeshift staging area that wasn’t guarded by an eagle-eyed individual, this is the ONLY shot I could get of them without buying a calendar and standing in line, and yeah, it’s pretty disappointing:

Don’t think I didn’t seriously consider buying one.

I tried to circle around a bit and get something better, but they were totally onto me. I eventually started to feel like a pervert so I went about my business, completely uninterested in taking any other photos for the rest of the day. When you miss the opportunity to get pics of grown women dressed in cheerleader gear in front of the baby wipes aisle, well, nothing is really gonna get you over that level of disappointment but time. I’m not over it yet, but I’m getting there.

5 thoughts on “Gah!-roceries

  1. This is hilarious. I love your juxtaposition of booty and baby wipes, priceless. That must be an epic Kroger. The ones I have been to don’t merit celebs. The chain is Ralphs in SoCal and trust me, no-one would ever think of feting anyone at Ralphs. The closest we came is when the Ahnold, our Governator came to Valencia stumping, but he chose the rockpile at the local stone quarry, LOL. Meanwhile, I cannot believe they won’t even let you snag a shot from an iPhone, how mercenary is that?!

  2. Pingback: 09/16/2013: Tutu shoot | mareymercy.

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