7/10/2013: Jumping Photocollage

Posted on July 10, 2013 by marey mercy

I’m turning 44 this month.

Groceries!

Posted on July 9, 2013 by marey mercy

Grocery store time again! I told myself I was going to a different grocery store because it was closer to some other stops I had to make, but truth be told I was hoping to get more pics for the blog and thought a different location might yield more results. Turns out I was wrong about that because not much in this particular store caught my eye. I did manage to snap a few shots, though:

Ah, sausage gravy. Just like Grandma used to freeze.

Things started picking up a bit when I zeroed in on all those little add-on geegaws that hang from the shelves all over the store. Like this for example – I love how these “Glam Gloves” reach glamorously down for a roll of toilet paper. In defense of rubber-glove glam, I believe the toilet paper was two-ply with aloe:

GLAMOUR!

This weird, aisle-specific impulse item tapped right into my twelve-year-old boy humor:

When your dryer lacks a pair

Then this one really got the adolescent giggling going:

You can find this in the aisle marked “Late Night.”

Now, I get the eco-friendly functionality of this next item, but the “Before” graphic really did me in:

Dude, just EMPTY THE BIN already. Plus the “After” bin is totally empty, so I call foul

After mis-reading the label here I immediately whipped out my iPhone to Google what, if any, new piece of Save-Texas-Women-From-Their-Own-Feeble-Minds-and-Naughty-Lady-Bits legislation might had been passed overnight to mandate such an ESSENTIAL item:

Panty Essentials – Welcome to Texas, ladies, now plug it up good!

Once I got that straightened out, it was time to pack up and leave. But not before this happened:

Hard to argue with the logic here

I actually saw this one on my way out the door but chose to pass it by as I’d already put up my phone and had a cart full of groceries to deal with, plus it was in a high traffic area and stopping to snap it would have jammed up the customers. But by the time I’d loaded everything into my trunk it was bothering me so much not to photograph it that I went back inside to get the picture. On top of all this, the store had Coke 12-packs on sale for buy 2 get 1 free, and there was Blue Bell Chocolate Chip Mint ice cream in abundance so overall, I’d consider this trip a success.

Happy Fifth of July!

Posted on July 4, 2013 by marey mercy

I post this poem every year. And by the way, I hate fireworks. They’re stupid and they upset my dogs, and where I live it’s legal to stand around in the cul-de-sac like a moron and shoot these idiotic explosives into the sky while simultaneously downing copious amounts of Natural Light and keeping the kids up way past their bedtime. God bless America. OK, I’m not actually this surly. I’m only partially serious.

Fifth of July

The streets are sharded with bits
of confetti, petty patriotic explosions.

The neighbors are still asleep, tucked beneath
what’s left of the gray haze hovered over
their driveways, their skin singed with sweat
and sulphur. Backyard dogs react

to a distant siren, their howl like rust
on a chain-link gate, like sparks
from a blacksmith’s hammer.
When they are done, the dawn
is heavy with calm. Neatly numbered curbs

prop amber toppled bottles. Trash bags,
tarry-black, collapse on the grass.

One rubber sandal in the center
of the road, elastic casualty
of a manufactured battle, points
its open toes towards concession.

I Love Grocery Shopping

Posted on July 3, 2013 by marey mercy

I used to hate grocery shopping until I realized that hating an activity which involves pushing a large cart through a massive building overloaded with shelves stuffed with every type of consumable commodity imaginable and basically being able to buy EVERY SINGLE THING I wanted to take home and eat was probably the laziest, most selfish, and ungrateful First World Problem ever. About the time I made that realization I also happened to be reading a book called Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (nope, can’t pronounce it) that suggested, among other things, creating an optimal experience out of mundane of tasks by incorporating into them something you truly enjoy. So I decided to incorporate photography into my grocery shopping experience.

Seriously, this place is huge.

Come for the jam. Stay for the gems. You’re welcome.

This quickly evolved into taking photos every time I had to run an errand of any sort, since as a world-class White-Whiner I tend to resent doing everything that doesn’t involve sitting in front of my computer and eating ice cream. You know, things like going to CVS to pick up that prescription medication which is entirely covered by my insurance and has kept me from conceiving unwanted children for 20 years. Or driving three miles to the veterinarian to pick up one of the many medications that my completely pampered and spoiled mutt Sprocket needs to keep from getting itchy, ’cause Lord knows I cannot tolerate the thought of my dog suffering from an unscratchable itch. You know, huge inconveniences like that.

Welcome to Texas.

I actually opened up an Instagram account with the intention of focusing solely on taking iPhone photos while running errands – I think I even put in my profile a line like “Running Errands Since 1985” since that is roughly the year I got my first car, and a life of never-ending errand-running began. But as with every other online endeavor in which I engage I was incapable of remaining focused and now my Instagram is just a mish-mash of pet photos, fashion shots uploaded from Flickr, and the occasional photo of my feet. But mostly dog shots. And as with any other online endeavor I engage, I don’t grasp Instagram enough to go back and edit my profile to take that stupid line out that no longer makes any sense given the content of my photos.

Come for the pork. Stay for the puns. Yep.

I rarely take photos at the grocery store anymore, especially since I go to the same one all the time and I ran out of things to photograph eventually, but spending a few months using grocery shopping time to snap pics completely changed my attitude about the entire activity. First of all, it made my trips twice as long. As I said, I rarely take pics now, but I still enjoy going because I have discovered the benefits of shopping for food in a leisurely manner. There is not only a lot of interesting stuff in a grocery store once you slow down and really look at what’s on the shelves, but you will pretty soon notice that you are the only person in the entire place who isn’t in a rush and pissed off about being there. It’s almost an out-of-body experience because of how easily you can relate to others’ frustration, while feeling none of it yourself.

‘Cause nothing says fun like WHOLE WHEAT BUNNIES.

Taking photos in the grocery store, however, can be dodgy and there are obstacles to consider. I learned early on that snapping pics of other people is always suspect and will tick people off. If you’re determined to do it, be sure you mute the phone (because my iPhone is what I always use) lest you get caught trying to take a photo of an old lady’s glittery headscarf, and then the shutter sound gets her attention, and she looks at you like you’re some sort of pervert, and makes you delete it (yep, that happened). Also, employees don’t take kindly to you wandering the store photographing items for hours, so you have to be stealthy. And yes, I have been reprimanded by grocery store managers more than once, which is not something I enjoy, so I do my best not to draw attention to what I am doing. Sometimes I pretend I’m using one of those scan-it-to-get-the-cost apps, but that’s pretty stupid considering the prices in a grocery store are clearly labeled on the shelves, so that isn’t going to take you very far. I am admittedly unskilled when it comes to iPhone photos; I’m never good at shooting from the hip, and with my phone I’m a disaster, so I struggle to get decent focus even when I’m not trying to sneak a shot. Therefore, I’ve learned to use a combination of looking like I’m not taking a photo but also looking like I don’t care if you know I am taking one to get away with it, if that makes sense.

I think Blue Bell ice cream is strictly a Texas thing? So sorry, rest of the world.

Overall I highly recommend the strategy of taking whatever it is you just hate to do, and finding a way to incorporate something you love into it. I suppose someone might be concerned that the opposite will happen and they will come to detest the thing they love because it’s now associated with the hated activity, but damn seriously, if that happens, you need either some new hobbies or some different tasks because something’s gone wrong. I guess you have to get the love-to-hate ratio right to ensure that doesn’t happen. I actually never finished Csikszentmihalyi’s book so perhaps I missed the chapter where such an equation is introduced. If anyone else gets past page 238 and comes across it, let me know.

I bought one of each. All my breakfast foodz have the word “kidz” in the title.

Outtake Awkwardness

Posted on July 1, 2013 by marey mercy

As I’ve mentioned before, it cracks me up a little when people make comments about how graceful or fit I must be to create some of the photos I do. I can assure you that is not the case. I can also assure you that for every near-perfect capture of my body in motion, there are at least two that capture my body in a state of calamity. I’ve thought for awhile that I’d like to share some of those photos; I just never had time to process any until today.

I actually was a little disappointed looking through my sets for awkward poses, as there weren’t nearly as many truly amusing ones as I thought there would be. Not that there weren’t a lot of bad shots (I usually take around 300 per shoot), but most of them were too typical to be useful to me – stuff like blinking when the shutter clicks, for example. I wanted to find some flops that were particularly interesting, and those were hard to come by. Most of them were just boring, but I did manage to scare up a few before I had to go do laundry or whatever it was that took me away from the project. I’m going to keep looking and share more later if possible.

This first one did actually make me laugh out loud, though:

I don’t even know what I was trying to do here.

This next one happens a lot – a great shot ruined by an awful face. Always gotta watch out for those facial expressions:

Nice grimace.

This is just one example of a poorly timed shot, where the shutter caught me landing rather than leaping. I have so many of these it was hard to pick one; I thought this shot looked particularly uncoordinated so I went with it.

Pretty ungraceful.

This next one comes courtesy of the synthetic wig hair that blew into my eye right before the shot.

If you’ve never had wig hair in your eye, you really should experience it. Just don’t take a picture when it happens.

This is an example of the problems inherent in trying to actually do what you want the photo to show you doing. When I take a picture that appears to show me spinning, I am not spinning in actuality. What I do is set my pose to how I want it to appear in the shot, then just reach down and spin my skirt and toss my hair as the shutter goes off. If I try to actually spin, the end result is something like this:

It looks as if I am storming off my own set.