I made a trip to Party City Friday to pick up a mask and a fake mustache or two for photoshoots (don’t ask), but I was also thinking it would be a great place to snap iPhone photos. I could not have been more wrong. It was way too practical and organized to generate any sort of interesting photo opportunities, which I should have expected of a place frequented by harried parents trying to plan last-minute festivities for huge groups of exuberant children on the cheap and in a big damn hurry. Except this one, which came out kinda cool:

This being a typical strip center for my area, it had the usual stores – PetSmart, WalMart, Party City, Marshalls, Best Buy, Famous Footwear…you get the idea. So of course, they also had an Ulta, which turned out to be no more photogenic than the PC. They always have way too many salespeople in that store lurking about, forcefully offering assistance and preventing any real picture-taking time. Or maybe they just do that to me. Come to think of it, most of the pics I shot today are quite blurry because I felt I was being watched everywhere I went. It must have been obvious to everyone that I wasn’t hanging around to spend money. Gotta brush up on my stealthy pic-snapping skills. Or maybe just bathe.

Lips on sticks. Someone’s getting way too literal.

I sauntered into the store next door without really looking up at the sign to see what it was – turns out it was a Pier 1, which I admit I thought had gone out of business (I avoid strip centers like this to the utmost of my ability). I knew what it was, however, as soon as I opened the door because of the overpowering Yankee Candle smell and the abundance of throw pillows scattered onto every available surface.

This reminded me of a joke: Why are fish so smart? Because they don’t buy shit like this.

Honestly, I would rather gouge out my eyes with over-priced black lacquer Pier 1 chopsticks than spend time in a shop like this. My interest in decorating anything is so far below zero it’s almost antagonistic. I just don’t understand why most of the items in these places exist, or how and when people decide they need these things. For example, I encountered these party dishes that had every dish’s purpose labeled in chalky cursive script right on the plate. I don’t get who sees this and thinks oh, I just have to have that. It’s kind of insulting, when you think about it, plus you’re buying plates that are going to order you around when really it should work the other way. I’d end up rebelling against those party dishes. I’d use them in all sorts of degrading ways for which they were not intended, just to show them who’s boss. The tray that says “a smattering of olives,” (yes one of them said smattering) would end up being a dustpan, and it would damn well like it, too, or else I’d put it in the dishwasher which I assume is exactly where one is NOT allowed to put such a fussy item, in spite of it’s being a dish and all.  And I’d correct the lack of capitalization too.

See what I mean? Antagonistic.

I’d hang this one on my front door, just because

Sorry I don’t have more to say, or if what I said here sounds lame. My carpal tunnel (or whatever it is I have) is killing me tonight – too much time clicking my mouse editing pics – and I can barely type at this point. Did I mention I am turning 44 this month?

Signing off for now, yours always & etc.,

A Chunk of Cheese